


Jade: Proposition your stubborn friend

by olympianInsomniac



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff without Plot, Minor Jade Harley/Dave Strider, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-18 22:43:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16128278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/olympianInsomniac/pseuds/olympianInsomniac
Summary: This was written years ago sometime during Act 5? So please ignore the fact that my "after Sburb" setting is basically modern Earth and that Dave hasn't really gone through any of his character development.This was pretty much only written because I love the way Dave and Jade interacted in earlier acts.





	Jade: Proposition your stubborn friend

— gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] —

GG: hey dave!! :D

GG: are you there bro? hehehe

GG: i know you're still awake! don't pretend you're not

GG: i need to talk to you about something

TG: hey

TG: im awake

TG: and i dont have to pretend to be anything 

TG: unlike every other girl i know seems to with their roleplaying

TG: first you 

TG: then i find out the catgirl isnt the only troll that does it

TG: terezi does too

TG: before i know it well find out john is into that shit 

TG: thank god rose managed to keep herself from it

TG: even if the private wizard fanfiction comes eerily close to it for me 

TG: like TOO close

TG: like a camp counselor who has passed through way too many levels of close

TG: how did they even miss this one in the interviews. just wants to help me is what he says

TG: before he starts rubbing my shoulders

GG: ew 

GG: that is really funny even if its really disturbing

GG: but what im more curious about is the fact rose has wizard fanfiction that she's kept PRIVATE? 

GG: why is that? O: 

TG: i told her id never mention it existed to anyone

TG: failed that one already so i dont want to die because i kept running my mouth 

TG: so lets just drop that one 

TG: look

TG: im awake

TG: was there ever any doubt god its like you dont even know me

TG: im plugged into my laptop not only every day but every night

TG: doing a better job then neo over here and its no wonder

TG: i have way better reasons then him. ive got to stay connected at all times if i want to stay relevant 

TG: even though im cool enough as is youve got to keep it consistent

TG: weve discussed this havent we

GG: i guess we have, mr...

GG: cool guy!

GG: or should i say mr. cool guy.

GG: :)

TG: so whats up 

TG: you were about to get your panties in a knot over something before we got sidetracked harley

TG: trying to teach us boy scouts over here the finer ways of how to tie cloth into useless bundles 

TG: even though well never have a practical reason for it

TG: besides making a tourniquet or something?

TG: and now well probably look back on the memory shaking our heads and wondering

TG: why werent we at home making out with the girl next door?

TG: instead of learning about things that have no value while bunking with a bunch of sweaty dudes who dont seem to know what deoderant is

TG: even though theyre already growing mustaches befitting a league of top class assholes 

TG: straight from a movie about elizabethan period england

TG: the axe body spray my only protection from a smell that even terezi wouldnt know what to do with

TG: and thats saying something

GG: lol

GG: dave i am starting to think some of your metaphors are from personal experience, here

GG: im noticing a lot of camp counselors and young boys in this conversation

GG: do you want to talk about that one time at band camp?

GG: my ears are open! ;)

TG: youve got that one wrong

TG: i didnt like anyone at my summer camp even half as much as the jokes im making about it right now

TG: to be honest it was shit

TG: dont see why bro ever made me go

TG: if it was an ironic gesture it was also a cruel one

GG: as opposed to the sword fights??

TG: fuck that it was worse than them

TG: they dont let you bring swords there for some reason so i didnt even have a weapon to protect myself

TG: like i said

TG: just my axe body spray

GG: striders always meet the cruelest of fates, apparently

TG: comes with the job

GG: oh you are the greatest antihero dave

GG: it is you

GG: MY hero! 

TG: ha ha

TG: wow

TG: were getting off topic here

TG: what did you need to talk about

GG: hehehe yeah actually

GG: ok. i've got this school project and i think you could help me out

GG: dave?

GG: dont ignore me just because i mentioned school

GG: it isnt even homework or anything!

GG: dave if you dont reply i wont give you any hugs for at least a week.

GG: dave!!! >:(

TG: i was just closing my other tabs

TG: were good

TG: im gonna use a cliche here so pardon my french

TG: even though im too cool for school 

TG: im game

TG: lets scope this out harley whats your project

GG: well its for my biology class

GG: right now the section were doing is on all sorts of stuff

GG: ecosystems and food chains and so on. its all very interesting! 

GG: but

TG: but what?

TG: btw i want to congratulate you on finally moving from hellmurder island to the states

TG: and im glad you find what us peons study in schools here interesting

TG: considering you were into shit like

TG: i dunno thermonuclear dimensional quantum physics or something

GG: im pretty sure thermonuclear dimensional quantum physics isn't an actual thing

GG: just saying.

GG: and hey!

GG: hey dave!!

TG: yeah

GG: shut up!!!

TG: ok

GG: just because you did doesn't mean i minded living on my island. 

GG: i actually really enjoyed my time there! 

GG: thanks for being glad for me though 

GG: it means a lot :)

GG: anyway the project itself has to do with these frogs

TG: oh man did you get a science class where you have to dissect frogs

TG: kind of surprised since all you take is AP classes but i can roll with it

TG: you need me to help you free them dont you? this is it

TG: isnt it

TG: this is going to be like that one scene from et except instead of a wrinky potato itll be karkat

TG: well okay thats not really much of a difference but still

TG: he is et and im eliot and i cant wait for him to control me

TG: i cant wait for karkat to control me with his magical finger

TG: so i can walk into your class and start tipping over containers to let all the frogs free

TG: everyone is like who the hell is this douchebag? wind gently tousles our hair 

TG: dramatically of course

TG: and they get their answer. im your douchebag 

TG: as i lean in to give you the most romantic kiss youll ever have 

TG: audiences across america cheer at the absolutely breathtaking spectacle

TG: this is our et moment isn't it

TG: is that whats going down?

GG: haha wow. lol

GG: no!

GG: as much as i would like to free the poor things in a situation like that? :(

GG: the answer is no, dave. 

GG: that is not whats going down.

TG: forget i said anything then

GG: nope! dave mentioned smooching me again

GG: this ones going in the logs for sure

TG: no it isnt

GG: yes it is

TG: no

GG: yes!!! <3

TG: screw you

TG: you thrive on my pain like a malignant witch 

TG: i might as well be a frog myself hopping around in your cauldron

TG: and i have this to say before i die 

TG: i dont even like you

TG: and on a more serious note

GG: anyway

TG: you shouldnt keep logs of our convos

TG: its weird

GG: my project has to do with frogs because we have to do a report on a specific type of animal around this lake

GG: and how levels of different things in the enviroment might effect your animals usual place in the ecosystem

GG: and i chose frogs because

GG: well it should be obvious

TG: yeah i hear you

TG: it never leaves

GG: no it doesnt

GG: : (

TG: this conversation just got really depressing

TG: is it the junior nihilists club all up in here or what

GG: yeah i guess it is!

GG: but we're reaching my point here so can you keep the metaphors down for just a second?

GG: even if they're what makes you dave <3

TG: ill try 

TG: but i have to use at least one more to warn you 

TG: im not one of those cheap girls off of the west side. i charge 50 dollars for any consultation including this one

TG: plus 500 dollars for every visit in person. no warranty or insurance included but if you buy now 

TG: we will send an additional expert free of charge.

TG: or your money back

GG: well i was wondering if i should take a few pictures of the frogs 

TG: but wait theres more

GG: maybe get some extra credit?

GG: but im no good with cameras

GG: and youre amazing with them! 

GG: so i was wondering

TG: wait

TG: you want me to head out with you just so i can be your cameraman

TG: and not even for anything interesting. im going to be stood there wasting my time and my talent on good

TG: high quality pictures

TG: of frogs

TG: like im helping out fucking david attenborough or something

TG: the western american bullfrog like the human neighbours who captured his likeness

TG: is a prime example of being a total chump

GG: yeah basically! glad you caught on dave.

GG: nice way of avoiding the phrasing "go out with you" by the way

TG: it sounds awesome ill do it 

TG: but when

GG: i was thinking tomorrow since we'll both be free? O:

TG: thats assuming im free

TG: not even asking me out for dinner first

TG: just telling me its going to happen?

TG: for shame

TG: yknow jade i have a busy social schedule im what we in the industry like to call 

TG: "kind of a big deal"

GG: yeah?

TG: yeah but tomorrows fine

TG: ill clear a spot since its you 

GG: i would hope so!

GG: i mean youre still up at an ungodly hour

GG: so i didnt think you were planning anything for once

GG: mr. popular!

GG: hehe

TG: why are you up right now

TG: besides asking me about this

GG: pfft dave it is obviously JUST so i can talk to you

GG: since im the one that actually does sleep most nights nowadays

GG: youre the one thats always up!!!

GG: are you sure you shouldnt try cutting back on that by the way? :(

TG: hey its only on weekends

TG: and every other couple of days 

TG: its not a big deal

TG: im chill with it

GG: yeah well! speaking of being chill

GG: ive been wondering if maybe

GG: well

GG: tinyurl.com/2aj3uxy

GG: dave

GG: is this you?

TG: oh my god do not ask me that ever again

TG: one terezi is bad enough as it is

TG: besides im way cooler then corey hart

TG: check it out and ill show you why through my art

TG: in which i get points too for not being canadian trash

TG: theres no doubt this maple syrup has caused me to fall down on my ass

TG: i thrash and dash into an awful crash 

TG: its all so crass

GG: what do you have against canadians?

GG: i think you forget sometimes that im not actually american >:/

GG: and i dont like it when you play to type and start being a total redneck about things! 

GG: even just for stupid jokes

GG: youre better then that!

GG: most of yours are funnier then that 

TG: "most"

TG: way to hit me right in the self esteem

TG: nah i hear you

TG: although i dont think it really matters since we're from space and not where we were raised

GG: oh yeah

GG: i guess i hadnt thought of that? 

GG: i think its just the point though! 

TG: point taken

TG: so yeah sometime tomorrow well go frog hunting

GG: yeah! one could say it'll be just like

TG: oh here we go

GG: …

TG: goddamnit

TG: fine just get it over with

GG: .........................

TG: cmon

TG: please

GG: ………..............................

TG: i even said please

GG: .............................................................

GG: old times

GG: B)

TG: whatever

TG: im going to bed now

TG: i want to just off of that alone

GG: dont try to guilt trip me dave

GG: your probably just getting tired for once

TG: yeah

TG: your words are lulling me to sleep

TG: someone from the magic school bus made sure ms. frizzle burrowed a harp from the music room 

TG: so she could send cerebus to his slumber

TG: like they say it was beauty that killed the beast

TG: me looking at all of the punctuation marks emotes and general enthusiasm in bright green text

TG: its what would happen if they didnt take him to new york

TG: king kong arrived in hong kong

TG: right on

GG: if youre falling asleep youre not keeping yourself up with another rap! 

GG: go to bed!!! 

TG: fine

TG: but yeah

TG: im good for tomorrow

TG: ill see you then

GG: its a date!

TG: what

— gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] —

TG: you cant just spring that on me and then leave

TG: why does everyone always do shit like that

TG: well

TG: now that she cant log anything

TG: that song is so fucking awesome


End file.
